The Myriad Misadventure(s) of Jeffrey Woods
by Dorminchu
Summary: An affectionate, yet gritty retelling of a much beloved Creepypasta.
1. Welcome to the Neighborhood

_A/N: Kicking off this story with a new novelization (?) of Go to Sleep (for that is what the tale was called originally) with a few twists here and there. Tell me what you think, if you want, and stay tuned! :)_

* * *

The car trundled down the smoothly paved road towards the street. Inside, Peter and Margaret Woods fought to see through the violent glare of the sun's rays.

Towering houses surrounded them, enclosed by white fences and tall iron gates. The lawns were artificially vibrant, resembling those found in a gardening commercial or a reality show. A few even had fountains out front.

Two boys sat in the back of the previously mentioned vehicle. The trip had certainly taken its toll on their patience; after several hours of tedium, they were both itching to stretch their legs. The lankier, darker-haired of the two gaped, staring awestruck at the sheer size of the houses around them.

"Holy _shit,_" he mumbled, "Jeff, you gotta check this out, man! This is amazing!" Jeff, who had been engrossed in the process of texting some of his old friends, rolled his eyes.

"I swear to God, Liu, if this is just another herd of cows, I'm going to—"

"Your brother's right, you know." his mom turned in her seat to reassure them both. "Check it out!"

Jeff glanced up out the window, squinting through the glare. It was pretty impressive, even if he wasn't about to admit it. "Yeah, well, they're just a bunch of houses. You don't have to get all mushy about it." Liu was practically bouncing in his seat.

"Compared to the shack we lived in? We're kings, man! Fuckin' _kings_!" He grinned wildly at his brother. Jeff considered the urge to laugh, then punched his shoulder instead.

"Middle class living conditions usually don't involve a shack, bro."

Liu was too lost in his newfound delight to notice. Jeff sighed, and went back to his phone. But he'd only pulled it out for a few seconds when the car stopped, and his mom called his attention. "Oh, Jeff, you have to see this house! It's beautiful!" Jeff sighed, tucked his phone into his pocket and slumped outside into the bright sunshine.

He shielded his face and took in their house.

Three stories with two alternating tiers; red brick and wood. The place looked more like a museum than a place you'd plan on spending the rest of your days.

Liu nudged his arm. "Look on the bright side, bro. At least we'll have separate rooms."

Jeff smiled unenthusiastically. "Yeah."

As they unpacked, a woman sprinted enthusiastically from across the street to greet them, a pale blue apron flapping in front of her as she moved, clad in tight fitting jeans and a simple turtleneck. The effect was slightly comical.

"Hello!" she said breathlessly, pushing a few locks of brown hair from her face, panting, "I heard you guys just moved in, so I thought I'd introduce myself! I'm Barbara Dawson." She grinned, revealing teeth so white they looked sun-bleached. "Well, I just wanted to say hi and welcome you to the neighborhood. Let me call my son." She turned back towards the opposing street and cupped a hand to her mouth, "Billy! Neighbors are here! Why don't you come over and say hi?"

A young, sandy-haired boy looked up from the front yard of a canary-yellow house, said something indistinct to his friends and jogged over from the yard to the group of adults. He didn't look directly at any of them, staring pointedly at their shoes. He looked about twelve.

"Hey." He said.

Jeff nodded. Liu waved.

Billy glanced up at his mother to gain her approval, then dashed back towards the canary-yellow house to where his friends were waiting.

"Well," said Jeff's mom, "I'm Margaret, and this is my husband Peter," —Peter offered his hand— "and my two sons, Jeff and Liu." Jeff and Liu followed their dad's example. Barbara's palm was clammy and suffocating against Jeff's hand, and he shared a discreet look with his brother while the adults chatted.

Then Barbara dropped a bombshell:

"Billy's birthday is next week, and, well, I thought I'd invite you newcomers to the party!"

Jeff and Liu stared at each other, then they both opened their mouths, about to object, when their mom spoke up, "Oh, that's sweet of you. Sure, we'd love to!"

The two boys shared a look of indignation.

As soon as Barbara was gone, Jeff rounded on his mother.

"Mom, why would you invite us to some kid's party? I'm fifteen, not some twelve year-old."

"Jeff," said his mother sternly, "We just moved here. We should show some interest in the neighbors' lives so we don't come off as a bunch of introverted weirdos. Now, we're going to that party, and that's final." Jeff opened his mouth to argue, but stopped just as quickly, knowing that resistance was futile. Whenever his mom said something, it was final.

He grabbed his luggage and stalked up to the house.

"Pick a room, and it's yours." his father called. He made his way upstairs and, after a minute or two of searching, found a room with a bed in it. Jeff sighed in relief, plopped down on the bed without bothering to unpack.

This was so unfair.

A bout of self-disgust struck him. Jeff chuckled bitterly. God, he sounded so _whiny_. It was pathetic.

As he stared up at the ceiling, a sensation came over him. The best way he could identify it as was a sense of restlessness. He grunted, dismissed it as just some stupid, delayed reaction to this whole scenario. Besides, he thought, he couldn't go around like some _Debbie downer_ as Liu was apt to call him. Then his mom's voice sounded from downstairs:

"Jeff? I know it's great to have your own room, but you can savor it later! We need your help down here!"

Jeff exhaled, and sat up on the bed. He'd probably have time to think about everything later.

With that faint ray of hope fresh in his mind, he walked down to help his family.


	2. First Day of School

The first day of school was not the worst, contrary to popular belief.

Jeff woke at six-o'clock sharp to the sound of his alarm. He switched it off and sat up blearily, feeling uneasy. This was perfectly normal, he told himself. He was always anxious on the first day of school, every kid was. September was the beginning of the end, the call back to arms, to textbooks and structure and that stupid feeling in the air that you could never identify properly, like the last day of Christmas or Spring Break. Was it just cold because autumn was here, or was it simply the fear of the unknown, of freedom lost?

He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and headed to the bathroom, already annoyed at the ease of his decline into metaphorical tendencies.

It would be different without friends. Walking into a new school with kids you knew was one thing; going in blind with no one but your adopted kid brother for company was a nice thought—because Liu wasn't an asshole or whiny or anything—but it wasn't exactly reassuring, either.

He wondered how his old friends were doing now. He wished one of them would text him, but Craig didn't have a phone due to his various electronic transgressions, the nature of which remained unclear at best. Eric never texted anybody. Not even his parents. When asked about it, Eric just sort of shrugged and said he was busy. In hindsight, Jeff thought, this was stupid. Why pay for unlimited hours if you weren't going to use them?

It was harder to remember them, now. His past life was more of an old home video: age and deterioration obscured all the little details, leaving him with nothing but fuzzy shadows, stretched and blurring across an imagined screen. Was this part of the process of letting go, like everyone talked about, in movies and books and television? He didn't know. He was too tired to think about these things. So Jeff exited the bathroom to Liu's increasingly frantic protests ("Seriously, man, I have to use the bathroom!") and traipsed back to his room to get dressed.

He wasn't very inventive when it came to outfits. A t-shirt and jeans were all that was needed. Maybe a jacket if it was colder. Dad had given up trying to win him over a while ago, but Mom wasn't so easy to sway. Especially nowadays. Jeff understood why, at least. New, fancier neighborhood. You had to make the right impression to placate the big dogs. Make them believe you were one of them. He'd go along with it, of course. He was a good kid.

But that would come later. Right now, he wanted to enjoy the simple life a little longer. Was it selfish? Maybe. He pulled on a shirt and the nicest pair of jeans he could find, and headed downstairs to eat. But he wasn't very hungry. He watched his mom putter around the house, then settled on Liu, who was attacking a bowl of Cheerios with enthusiasm.

The sensation from the day before returned, like a dull thrumming in his skull, behind his eyes. Grumbling internally, Jeff pushed his chair back to get a glass of water. Just one. He didn't want to make another bathroom run, twice in one morning. He glanced around agitatedly at the row of cabinets. Varnished, stainless. He started opening them, searching.

He found what he was looking for in the second cabinet on his left. Took one of the cups over to the sink, let the water run until it was cold. Filled up his cup.

"Mom?" Jeff called.

"She's out, man," said Liu through a mouthful of Cheerios. It came out like: "Shus ugf, mun."

"Liu. I have no Godly idea what you just said to me," said Jeff, walking back over to the cabinet door he'd left open. "Do we have any Advil?"

Liu shrugged. Jeff swore under his breath. Slammed the cabinet shut.

"Whoa," said Liu, who had just only got down his food. "What did that door do, insult our mom or something?"

"Not now," Jeff said harshly. "Headache."

"Drink some water," Liu offered unhelpfully.

"What do you think this is for?" Jeff snapped at him, gesturing with the glass. A quarter of its contents spattered the linoleum floor.

Liu continued to stare at him, spoon in hand, halfway to his mouth. Jeff was too tired to say anything. He got a towel and wiped up the water to the best of his ability, then sat down at the table, across from Liu, and pushed his head into his hands. Breathed, slowly, in and out. It didn't help. Maybe this was stress. Hell if he knew anymore. He was bored and lonely and restless. He'd turned fifteen two months ago, and he still felt fourteen. He wanted to run around the old streets, he wanted to get away from it all for a little while. He didn't want to be here, didn't want to prove himself to anyone. But what choice did a kid have?

Jeff steeled himself. He could make it for one day. And if he could make it one day, he could probably make another. And after that, well, who knew?

So when his mom came back in, Jeff let her kiss him goodbye, and he and Liu walked out the doors of their new house into the neighborhood.

The sky was a dull gray, the streets empty. Everything was too beautiful, too sterile. Like a museum, or an abandoned town of dollhouses. Liu didn't question his state of agitation, and Jeff was grateful for that. The silence was one of many things he liked about his adopted brother. Okay, maybe that was a vaguely asshole-ish way to put it, but Liu was pretty laid-back. He didn't speak much, didn't ask questions about your personal life unless something was seriously wrong, but when he did, it was something you wanted to sit back and watch, because he had a ridiculously profound way of putting things.

On the other hand, should you try to intimidate him, or someone else he deemed a friend, he was as merciless as one could be—purely in the name of justice, of course. They were similar in this regard; Jeff guarded his name in silence, Liu did it with a sharp wit and a sharper tongue.

They reached the bus stop soon enough. Liu reposed himself upon the graffiti-stained bench while Jeff stood around and surveyed the area.

They weren't alone. Another group of kids stood a few feet away. Three guys surrounding a girl. On a whim, Jeff decided to take a closer look.

One of the guys, who looked to be about Jeff's age—clearly the ringleader—wore an Aeropostale shirt and artificially ripped blue jeans, and carried an air of general smugness about him. The other two kids that stood by him were more varied in their appearances; the left guy was built like a dead twig, the other ridiculously rotund. The girl was hard to see, save for a shock of dark hair. As they watched, the thin kid said something to her, but they were a little too far away, and the words spoken were too quiet to make out. Her response, by contrast, was quite audible.

"Fuck off, Keith."

"Hey, watch your mouth there, Janey," the thin kid said coolly. "Wouldn't want anything to happen to that pretty face of yours, would you?"

The girl clutched her bag tighter to her and shrank from him, stony-faced. She glanced over at Jeff and Liu. Jeff cast a sidelong glance back, curious.

"Oh," the smug kid said, looking from Jeff to her. "I get it. Is he a friend of yours?"

The girl rounded on him furiously. "What? No!"

The smug kid got up close and personal. Smirking. "You know what, Jane? I don't think I believe you."

"He's not my fucking boyfriend, you asshole," the girl snarled. "I don't know him."

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway. I think I'll pay New Kid a little visit." The smug kid turned to the other two. "Come on, boys! We've got some new meat!"

And the trio made their way over to them. The girl looked after them in shock, evidently horrified by what was happening. Jeff caught her eye and she gave a start, then quickly looked away, staring determinedly across the street, unwilling or unable to meet his gaze.

"Hey there, New Kid." The smug kid raised a hand as he approached.

Jeff stared coolly at him. "What do you want?"

"Why, I just thought I should introduce myself. Name's Randy." Up close, they could see the kid in greater detail. Randy was pretty well-built despite his smaller frame, hair slicked back, glossy and unmoving like a helmet around his head. He gestured to the two kids behind him. "This here's Troy—" the fat kid grinned at the mention of his name "—and this is Keith." The twig-thin kid was even more pathetic looking than he'd appeared from a distance. Beady eyes, a thin nose, and huge teeth that only added to the rat-like quality of his face. "Now that we're all introduced," Randy continued, "we gotta get down to business. See, for all the new kids in this neighborhood, there's a small price for bus fare, if you catch my drift."

"I don't suppose bus fare includes making unwanted advances on other students?" Liu asked from the bench. A muscle twitched in Randy's jaw. When he spoke, his voice was as calm as ever.

"Oh, it all depends on the situation. But hey, I don't remember asking you for your opinion. You like Jane or something?"

"Leave him alone," Jeff interjected. Randy shrugged.

"What? I mean, I get it. She's cute enough."

"Sure, three guys against her. That's fair enough, isn't it?"

"Wow, do you like her too?"

Jeff didn't bother to humor Randy with a response.

"Aw, whatever, man," Randy shook his head. "I've gotta get back to the point or we're going to be here all day. There's bus fare that needs a'paying. So what do you say, smart mouth—" he turned to Liu, eyeing the leather-bound square at his hip "—got any cash?"

Liu's eyes widened. Jeff stood up, ready to defend himself and Liu when Keith pulled something small and sleek from his pocket and with a tiny click, it flipped open.

Switchblades. Not the cheap, piece of crap ones, either. Randy sighed. "You know, I really hoped you'd be a little more understanding. This ain't free work, you know." Keith waltzed up to Liu and snatched the wallet from him with a grin, then shuffled back to where Randy was already waiting, palm up.

Jeff took a step towards them, ignoring Liu's frantic look of protest.

"Give it back," he said quietly.

Randy slipped the wallet in his pocket, smirking up at him. "Or what?"

Jeff popped him in the nose. Randy cried out in shock, clapped a hand over his bloody face and yelled, "Aaaggh! You son-of-a—" Jeff twisted the boy's arm around, grabbed the switchblade from his fingers and drove his heel into the back of the other boy's knee. Randy fell to the ground, yelled in pain, staggering back.

Troy and Keith gaped at the sight of their ringleader, fallen. Jeff smirked.

Keith finally shouted, "Get him!" and the two rushed towards Jeff, switchblades out. But Jeff was ready. Keith lashed out at him first; Jeff ducked, but the blade grazed his shirt and he felt a sharp pain across his shoulder. Jeff snarled, stabbed Keith in the arm and shoved him backwards into Troy. Troy pushed Keith off him, and the other boy fell to the curb with a shriek of pain.

At this point Jeff didn't even need the switchblade; when Troy swung his own weapon, clumsily, Jeff stepped back, then shot up, using the other boy's momentum to his advantage, slugging Troy right in the gut. Troy went down, heaving the contents of his stomach over himself and the sidewalk.

Jeff shuffled back awkwardly to avoid stepping in the kid's vomit. He looked from Liu, who was staring at the slow-expanding pool of bile, looking torn between petrification and jubilation, back to the black-haired girl, who glanced from the fallen boys to him with a mixture of shock and admiration.

Panting, Jeff walked over to Randy, took the wallet from his pocket before the other boy could push him away. Randy and Keith staggered to their feet. Randy bolted without looking back, and Keith took one last look at Troy before he followed suit.

"Damn," said Liu quietly. "Didn't know you paid so much attention during those self-defense courses."

Jeff straightened up. There came the low thrum of a motor, the hiss of brakes, tires on asphalt.

"We need to go," he muttered. "Now."

The two boys sprinted for their lives down the sidewalk as the bus pulled up. The girl could be heard speaking with the driver.

Jeff didn't look back. They didn't stop running until they were absolutely positive they'd put enough distance between themselves and the bus stop. As such, both boys were sufficiently winded, and unable to talk for a minute or two.

"Shit," Jeff managed finally.

"What?" panted Liu.

"We're going to be late." Of course, that was the least of their problems, but anything was better than dwelling on what had happened.

"Sure, but we've got a pretty good reason to be," said Liu, grinning. "You kicked some serious ass back there."

"Yeah," Jeff said, "I bet mom'll love to hear that."

"Self defense, bro. It was just self defense."

"It sure as hell didn't feel like it."

Liu cocked an eyebrow. "I really don't see why you're getting all concerned about this. They had weapons, and if you hadn't done what you did, I probably would've got shanked or something. That other girl, too."

Jeff kept his mouth tightly shut. The dark, restless feeling from yesterday hadn't gone away, no: it was festering, lurking in the back of his mind like a half-remembered dream, deeper than any kind of boredom or homesickness. It was elation, sheer delight at the power he'd held over them, a little cartoon devil on his shoulder, snickering: _the fuckers_.

How was he supposed to explain that to Liu? To anyone, really?

So Jeff said, "I don't want to talk about it right now. Okay?"

Liu shrugged. "Sure."

* * *

Thirty-eight minutes into the school day, the two made their way across the premises, into the school itself. Liu made a beeline for the main office. The woman at the desk didn't even look up when they came in. Liu was kind enough to dismiss their late arrival with the simple explanation: "Missed the bus. Sorry, won't happen again."

After approximately ten minutes of sitting in the office and feeling awkward, they got their schedules and went on their way.

Liu muttered to himself as they walked down the hall. Jeff, meanwhile, couldn't begin to think of another time in his life he'd been this grateful towards his brother for not asking questions.

Shortly after he had come to this conclusion, Liu said something that sounded important, so Jeff dislodged himself from his thoughts to ask, "What?"

"Second period. I have the same class as you do."

"Oh. Yeah."

"We've got the same lunch, too."

"Yeah."

"Do you even have any idea where second period is?"

Jeff grunted.

"Yeah. I'll be fine."

Liu sighed.

"If you get lost, I'm not helping you."

The rest of the day passed in a hazy spell. Jeff took in little about the new school but long stretches of tan and gray corridors, stained tile and the faint smell of chlorine. The other kids avoided him when they could, and when they couldn't they stared, pointing or whispering in his general direction like he was a ticking time bomb. Jeff wondered why it irked him. There was no way they couldn't know what had happened that morning. Besides that, attacking two kids wasn't exactly the best way to make your first impression.

Well, he thought miserably, at least he didn't have to worry about making friends.

So Jeff kept his head down and his mouth shut all through the day. This was surprisingly easy, because silence left him to his thoughts, which weren't much better. There was nothing to distract him from the fact that he had enjoyed hurting those kids. Oh, he could try and rationalize it, peg them as nothing more than a group of assholes whose time for retribution was probably long overdue. But he knew better.

Jeff wondered about the girl, too. Jane. He hoped, stupidly, that she hadn't gotten too much flak for what had happened.

He made it through the door right at the end of his first class. He shrugged off the of the other kids' curious glances, opening his schedule. Second period was on the other side of the building, but the building wasn't that large. He stared down at the little rows of numbers and letters on the crisp white sheet. Squinting.

No time like the present. He hurried on his way to the next class.

Jeff found it, eventually, not about to dwell on the fact that he probably should have asked Liu for advice. He took the seat indicated by the teacher, and sat back in his chair, trying half-heartedly to appear interested in what was being said. He made it a point to avoid looking at the clock, waiting for the next bell to ring so he could repeat the same, torturous process for yet another hour.

_Okay_, he thought, _so this isn't exactly the worst situation I could have ended up in. I haven't been arrested, my brother's okay, and no one's come up to me and said anything. Yet._

Lunch came. Jeff made his way through the throng of kids to get a tray, through the line to receive his allotment of mediocre, suspect nutrition, and stood on the side, tray in hand, eyes peeled for an empty table.

"Hey," said a kid to his right. Jeff didn't look up at first. Something nudged his shoulder. "Tough first day?"

"Can I help you?" said Jeff shortly.

"I just wanted to congratulate you in person, man. Everyone's talkin' about the new kid who kicked some untold butt this morning. The one and only Jeff Woods, brother to Liu Woods. Am I right?"

Jeff looked up and saw a wiry, bespectacled, oily-haired kid wearing a plain white t-shirt and khakis. When he readjusted his glasses, Jeff saw the remnants of acne a scar clustered from his right cheek down across the expanse of his jawline. A few newer spots were cropping up here and there, the most noticeable of which was on his chin. "How do you know my name?" Jeff asked stupidly.

"The electronic grapevine, my man! And I thought to myself: hey, cool. I like the sound of this guy. Those douches totally had it coming."

The wiry kid struck a certain pose beside him. Everything, from the faint stench of stale body odor to the way he blended his words together, a conjunction of older vocabulary and newer lingo, served to remind Jeff, in a way, of Liu. He raised his eyebrows.

"You've met my brother?"

"Liu? Yeah, he's in my first class. Nice guy." The kid beamed, revealed a set of braces. "Speaking of introductions, I totally forgot to introduce myself. I'm Kevin." He offered a hand to Jeff, who shook it, mildly surprised to find that Kevin's hands were far cleaner than the rest of him. Kevin was slow to let go of Jeff's hand. "You got a pen, Jeff?" he inquired nonchalantly.

"What?"

"For my number. If you want to talk." Kevin chuckled at the look on Jeff's face. "Bro, come on. It's nothing weird, I swear. I'm not some serial killer or stalker or any crazy shit like that." He sighed. "Aaah, it's all right. I've got one." He procured a BIC pen from his pocket, grasping Jeff's wrist in the manner a doctor might reserve when administering a shot. Scribbling across Jeff's skin with a practiced hand, Kevin said, "You ever need a helping hand, I'm around."

Jeff glanced down at his forearm. Scrawled across his skin in black ink was a number. He eyed the sequence. Pulled out his phone and started tapping. His tray of food lay forgotten.

* * *

The next half of school was just as forgettable, though Jeff found his hours a bit more bearable with the knowledge that he wasn't quite alone anymore.

When the last class finally ended, he threw his bag over his shoulder and stalked out of the classroom, checked his pockets for his phone and realized he'd never gotten around to returning Liu's wallet to him. Cursing, he whipped up a cursory text to his brother asking him to meet up at...

His thumbs hovered over the screen. He had no idea where the hell he was in this stupid building. He glanced back inside the classroom and found the teacher's name.

_Meet me at mrs. johnsons? room 218_

He hit send and leant back up against the lockers, waiting.

"Hi, Jeff!"

Jeff looked up and saw Kevin, waving at him through the wave of kids. He waved back and turned his attention back to his phone.

Frowned. Still no new messages. What was taking Liu so long? He shrugged it off. It was probably nothing. Maybe Liu had forgot to charge his phone. Though that was unlikely; Liu was a stickler for those kinds of things.

Maybe he was the one overthinking things. Jeff leant back into the hard metal of the locker and exhaled heavily. Closed his eyes.

He'd text Liu in a few minutes.

Not a minute after he came to this conclusion, Jeff got a response.

_coming now sorry_

Here was another weird thing: the lack of proper grammar. On any day of the week, Liu was a proper Grammar Nazi. But the kid was coming, and that was all that mattered. Jeff figured that Liu was probably in a hurry.

True to his suspicions, when Liu showed up, he was wheezing.

"Sorry," said Liu breathlessly. He was flushed, Jeff figured, from exertion, and wide-eyed. A little disheveled.

"It's nothing," Jeff replied. "Let's get going."

They joined the small group of kids exiting the stairs, down and into the sunlit courtyard.

There were some kids Jeff remembered from previous classes. No sign of Randy, Keith or Jane. In a corner by the handicap rail, Troy lingered, with a few other kids Jeff didn't recognize. Liu quickened his pace. "Come on," he said. "We need to catch the bus, unless you're up for some more exercise!"

Jeff felt himself smiling for the first time since that morning. He faltered as he noticed that Liu was putting his weight on one leg.

"Hey," said Jeff. Liu stopped.

"Huh?"

"You okay, man?"

Liu nodded. "Yeah. Fine. Cramps, you know?" He laughed heartily. "Ran too fast to get to you."

Jeff studied Liu a moment more. There was something very strange about his brother's demeanor. Liu was anything but skittish or evasive.

Despite the unease tugging at him, he decided to let it go. First days were hard on people. Maybe Liu was coping with the stress. If Liu wanted to talk, he would. If he didn't, that was that. Jeff could respect his privacy.

As they walked home, Jeff continued to reflect. Of all the uncertainties chasing each other about his head, there was one thing he knew.

He probably wouldn't be taking the bus anymore.

* * *

_A/N: Another chapter down! It's only gonna get more interesting from here on out..._


End file.
